Thursday, April 29, 2004
a sighting
I saw her at the gym.
And I thank God that I can remind her
She is beautiful.
We did the usual.
I asked about her boyfriend.
And I promised to inquire to his job offer status.
We said, "good-bye."
We parted away.
I saw her at the gym.
And I thank God that I can remind her
She is beautiful.
We did the usual.
I asked about her boyfriend.
And I promised to inquire to his job offer status.
We said, "good-bye."
We parted away.
Chiller
Had a better time than expected at the Chiller Theatre
convention. Met two sculptors. T. Taggart is an
artist on the verge: recognition / forgotten. By
right I should have secured one of his clock
creations. By chance he noticed a S. Lira sculpture
opposite of the Spectrum book I had sought for an
autograph. S. Lira was at the show.
I do not think I would have opened up as much as I had
if I had not been in this funk-state that I am in.
Incredibly, the day just built into it. I was
recounting how I had been building a book of gods. MW
Kaluta was kind enough to draw me a rat ~ (a Chinese
zodiac). We got to talk about J. Jones’ & his
downward spiral (nervous breakdown). I wished I had
been brave enough to tell him about my own journey.
Instead, I bridged it. Citing G. Oldman, EA Poe and
drawing MW Kaluta himself to tell a tale where he
allowed himself to let go. Only it was in passing and
in control.
Also met a student of the great F. Frazetta (K.
Kelly). He took a $10.00 commission because I had
recounted my book of gods story and how Kaluta added
to collection. He told me as much. In the end, I
shared my Medusa idea. He loved it. He wished me
luck on my dark journey & I thanked him; perhaps for
supplying me a priceless currency.
Which reminds me: S. Lira also touting F. Frazetta. I
recounted how K. Kelly made me realize that I grew up
with super clean air brush erotica and now my interest
is contemporary rich, robust, Realism (R3).
Essentially bypassing F. Frazetta and J. Jones (a
quasi-fantasy erotica that is humanly realistic). She
expounded how everyone lives B. Vallejo but his work
is so superficial compared to Frazetta. Funny how it
was one of Vallejo’s masterpieces that formulated the
second part of my Medusa theme.
I would like to return to Rockwell (innocence &
homeliness) before. . .
I do not know what it is about art. Why expressing
myself takes so much out of me. I do die a little bit
every time.
Hopefully, I can get a sure footing on sculptures. S.
Lira taught / reminded me so much just talking about
the process. So much that I have forgotten, even
engineering wise about casting molds, curing material
and the sculpture medium. That was when I held back .
. . I am going to make sure I tell her my tentative
itinerary. I would like to meet her again & allow her
to influence my education in sculptures. At least one
more time before I leave art again, for another
decade?, perhaps forever.
Also met DR Horne: he got the cover for Spectrum no. 9
but it is just an afterthought.
Plus R. Grunto tried to seduce me with stories. I
should have known better when he offered to work a
commission. Looking back, I am sure that when he saw
the M. Zuli ~ Death; he knew he be able to temp me
with his rendition of a Bask from N. Gaiman’s Sandmann
series. He recounted a story about Lord Leighton &
Flaming June but that is another story. I am drained.
Had a better time than expected at the Chiller Theatre
convention. Met two sculptors. T. Taggart is an
artist on the verge: recognition / forgotten. By
right I should have secured one of his clock
creations. By chance he noticed a S. Lira sculpture
opposite of the Spectrum book I had sought for an
autograph. S. Lira was at the show.
I do not think I would have opened up as much as I had
if I had not been in this funk-state that I am in.
Incredibly, the day just built into it. I was
recounting how I had been building a book of gods. MW
Kaluta was kind enough to draw me a rat ~ (a Chinese
zodiac). We got to talk about J. Jones’ & his
downward spiral (nervous breakdown). I wished I had
been brave enough to tell him about my own journey.
Instead, I bridged it. Citing G. Oldman, EA Poe and
drawing MW Kaluta himself to tell a tale where he
allowed himself to let go. Only it was in passing and
in control.
Also met a student of the great F. Frazetta (K.
Kelly). He took a $10.00 commission because I had
recounted my book of gods story and how Kaluta added
to collection. He told me as much. In the end, I
shared my Medusa idea. He loved it. He wished me
luck on my dark journey & I thanked him; perhaps for
supplying me a priceless currency.
Which reminds me: S. Lira also touting F. Frazetta. I
recounted how K. Kelly made me realize that I grew up
with super clean air brush erotica and now my interest
is contemporary rich, robust, Realism (R3).
Essentially bypassing F. Frazetta and J. Jones (a
quasi-fantasy erotica that is humanly realistic). She
expounded how everyone lives B. Vallejo but his work
is so superficial compared to Frazetta. Funny how it
was one of Vallejo’s masterpieces that formulated the
second part of my Medusa theme.
I would like to return to Rockwell (innocence &
homeliness) before. . .
I do not know what it is about art. Why expressing
myself takes so much out of me. I do die a little bit
every time.
Hopefully, I can get a sure footing on sculptures. S.
Lira taught / reminded me so much just talking about
the process. So much that I have forgotten, even
engineering wise about casting molds, curing material
and the sculpture medium. That was when I held back .
. . I am going to make sure I tell her my tentative
itinerary. I would like to meet her again & allow her
to influence my education in sculptures. At least one
more time before I leave art again, for another
decade?, perhaps forever.
Also met DR Horne: he got the cover for Spectrum no. 9
but it is just an afterthought.
Plus R. Grunto tried to seduce me with stories. I
should have known better when he offered to work a
commission. Looking back, I am sure that when he saw
the M. Zuli ~ Death; he knew he be able to temp me
with his rendition of a Bask from N. Gaiman’s Sandmann
series. He recounted a story about Lord Leighton &
Flaming June but that is another story. I am drained.
Monday, April 19, 2004
Dumb-ass
The words are not easy any longer.
I still miss you.
Okay, you need more time & space.
I was just wondering.
What is the etiquette protocol when we serendipity meet.
Are we mandated to depart regardless of awkwardness?
What are your rules of engagement + this silence.
Just return the appropriate stickies (practically effortless).
Enclosed is a Self Addressed Forwarding Envelope (it’s SAFE).
Choice returns:
No: you are not allowed to get all hopeful & excited to see me.
Yes: we can share 1000 cu. ft of open space; with chaperon in tow.
No: you had no right . . . shut your trap!
Yes: Leave. I no longer care; never did, I used you.
Valentine’s Day: You Dare.
Baby, I’ve been busy
You’ve got issues
I’ll return to rescue you soon
Don’t get yourself killed, okay.
Go waste yourself: F#(Psycho
Rot in Hell
die, DIE!
Sus, please don’t make me chase
No good at it anyway
Consider:
It was a passing moment that I envisioned you: gorgeous.
Yet, I did not make myself known.
It was only later that I placed trust in you.
Trusted you to get us to the mall.
Spotty record and all.
Long for time, feeling comfortable to share stories with you.
You hate me for not wanting to put you through periods where I shut down.
There are only a few way to truly hurt me.
One is: “Hurt the people I care about.”
It is why I let go.
I like you, ever since . . . O
PostScript (PS) Another Medium
I use a lot of Post It’s, please ; ; ~
Sorry, poor time to be fooling around with jokes :)
Forgive me for wanting to protect you.
The words are not easy any longer.
I still miss you.
Okay, you need more time & space.
I was just wondering.
What is the etiquette protocol when we serendipity meet.
Are we mandated to depart regardless of awkwardness?
What are your rules of engagement + this silence.
Just return the appropriate stickies (practically effortless).
Enclosed is a Self Addressed Forwarding Envelope (it’s SAFE).
Choice returns:
No: you are not allowed to get all hopeful & excited to see me.
Yes: we can share 1000 cu. ft of open space; with chaperon in tow.
No: you had no right . . . shut your trap!
Yes: Leave. I no longer care; never did, I used you.
Valentine’s Day: You Dare.
Baby, I’ve been busy
You’ve got issues
I’ll return to rescue you soon
Don’t get yourself killed, okay.
Go waste yourself: F#(Psycho
Rot in Hell
die, DIE!
Sus, please don’t make me chase
No good at it anyway
Consider:
It was a passing moment that I envisioned you: gorgeous.
Yet, I did not make myself known.
It was only later that I placed trust in you.
Trusted you to get us to the mall.
Spotty record and all.
Long for time, feeling comfortable to share stories with you.
You hate me for not wanting to put you through periods where I shut down.
There are only a few way to truly hurt me.
One is: “Hurt the people I care about.”
It is why I let go.
I like you, ever since . . . O
PostScript (PS) Another Medium
I use a lot of Post It’s, please ; ; ~
Sorry, poor time to be fooling around with jokes :)
Forgive me for wanting to protect you.
Thursday, April 08, 2004
Missing my Muse
One of the things I hate to talk about in my life is art. I share odds and ends but for the most part I am quite greedy about keeping it secret. But I am in a wicked state. I did not share with you before, I do not do recaps, but you are very lucky that the fallout . . . this (email) was our medium. I am trying to bleed it out of me. I want it so I shall not be able
to write in this way again. How appropriate. Either you stop this by telling me 'No More', You give into pity or you listen as I methodically snuff out the parts of me you love.
Medusa
Turns out there have been many Medusa renditions that I have been exposed to in my lifetime. Do not remember the first. Most likely it was a version designed to fit the description of the Gorgon of Greek mythology. There have been many beautiful Medusas
influences growing up. I had forgotten one until I stumbled upon the Chris Achilleos version this past weekend (my first or second fantasy graphic book). T. DiTerlizzi (he draws children's books but did a Medusa for kicks) did a Vampi Medusa. When I wrote him, he
told me that as the sister of Venus he expected her to also be beautiful. I hope to catch up with him before I shut art out of my life again. I was just telling Mr. D. Diancola, whom I met this weekend that the last time was for a decade. Mr. T. DiTerlizzi is touring
the United Kingdom (UK). I better beg someone to accompany me when he returns for a tour in the mid-west (I turned that 30 minute / 50 mile trip to meet Donato into a three hour / quarter tank of gas extravaganza).
Stay focused, he.
I want her to be sad. Imagine being immortal but not being able to look at another person. She is beautiful. I am trying to get some preliminary art work done this weekend. I want to experiment with different poses. To start, I want a piece with her being enraptured by a three dimensional dragon. An Asian dragon. For no other reason except I am commissioning the work. Personal demon. Eventually, I want the dragon to be a life like tattoo onto her
canvas body. She is naked, of course. The terrible force that transformed her wants to possess her Heart and Soul; there was a fall out. He enraged. Now he cannot even stand to look at her and He made it so she will never be able to look at another.
I want Eva Mendez.
First because there was a contemporary story titled "Eva Medusa" by Ana Miralles and Antonio Segura. My past. Secondly, there are maybe half a dozen women I think that are extraordinarily beautiful; translation: I would not care if they were a bubble head.
Penelope, Phoebe, a few others.
Body: I am thinking Julie Strain. Cause I noticed her way back when, when she was only known by B-Movie buffs. Because Olivia did too. She posed for a number of her works; she modeled for the greats: Royo, Pittarelli and one Sorayama (that I know of). She is
famous now ~ Playboy TV. It seems a lot of the up & comers (D. Cleavenger ~ I will be meeting him soon) contracts her to put themselves on the map.
If you do not know: She is six foot tall and surgically augmented which reminds me I have got to get those pictures out to Olivia and get her to autograph my XL sized 'Smokin' gym shirt. I should be careful. The things I display on my off-hours but I am on this 'devil may are' streak.
Stay focused. STAY FOCUSED !
One of the things I hate to talk about in my life is art. I share odds and ends but for the most part I am quite greedy about keeping it secret. But I am in a wicked state. I did not share with you before, I do not do recaps, but you are very lucky that the fallout . . . this (email) was our medium. I am trying to bleed it out of me. I want it so I shall not be able
to write in this way again. How appropriate. Either you stop this by telling me 'No More', You give into pity or you listen as I methodically snuff out the parts of me you love.
Medusa
Turns out there have been many Medusa renditions that I have been exposed to in my lifetime. Do not remember the first. Most likely it was a version designed to fit the description of the Gorgon of Greek mythology. There have been many beautiful Medusas
influences growing up. I had forgotten one until I stumbled upon the Chris Achilleos version this past weekend (my first or second fantasy graphic book). T. DiTerlizzi (he draws children's books but did a Medusa for kicks) did a Vampi Medusa. When I wrote him, he
told me that as the sister of Venus he expected her to also be beautiful. I hope to catch up with him before I shut art out of my life again. I was just telling Mr. D. Diancola, whom I met this weekend that the last time was for a decade. Mr. T. DiTerlizzi is touring
the United Kingdom (UK). I better beg someone to accompany me when he returns for a tour in the mid-west (I turned that 30 minute / 50 mile trip to meet Donato into a three hour / quarter tank of gas extravaganza).
Stay focused, he.
I want her to be sad. Imagine being immortal but not being able to look at another person. She is beautiful. I am trying to get some preliminary art work done this weekend. I want to experiment with different poses. To start, I want a piece with her being enraptured by a three dimensional dragon. An Asian dragon. For no other reason except I am commissioning the work. Personal demon. Eventually, I want the dragon to be a life like tattoo onto her
canvas body. She is naked, of course. The terrible force that transformed her wants to possess her Heart and Soul; there was a fall out. He enraged. Now he cannot even stand to look at her and He made it so she will never be able to look at another.
I want Eva Mendez.
First because there was a contemporary story titled "Eva Medusa" by Ana Miralles and Antonio Segura. My past. Secondly, there are maybe half a dozen women I think that are extraordinarily beautiful; translation: I would not care if they were a bubble head.
Penelope, Phoebe, a few others.
Body: I am thinking Julie Strain. Cause I noticed her way back when, when she was only known by B-Movie buffs. Because Olivia did too. She posed for a number of her works; she modeled for the greats: Royo, Pittarelli and one Sorayama (that I know of). She is
famous now ~ Playboy TV. It seems a lot of the up & comers (D. Cleavenger ~ I will be meeting him soon) contracts her to put themselves on the map.
If you do not know: She is six foot tall and surgically augmented which reminds me I have got to get those pictures out to Olivia and get her to autograph my XL sized 'Smokin' gym shirt. I should be careful. The things I display on my off-hours but I am on this 'devil may are' streak.
Stay focused. STAY FOCUSED !
Tuesday, March 30, 2004
Liz found me last night; I do not think we have met since the first snow storm this winter.
I went to the gym
(always seem to exercise excessively when I get in one of these moods).
and for real I felt a disturbance.
When I have been wronged . . . I don't know. . .
Well, I transverse through the facility and thought: how silly.
It was magical.
She was leaving & just happened to go for a drink of water.
Normally I just go about my business and would have missed her.
Everything is so easy between us.
Repeatedly, I asked if she had to leave.
No rush.
We can share strategy, ideas and rumors.
Her insight confirms time and again that I do not have to slow down.
She is Charlie's age but she understands leverage in
ways that dumbfoundedly escapes him.
Rhythm.
We have a natural pace that I do not share with anyone.
Being in the moment, I cannot afford to be guarded in her presence
~ I light up like a Christmas tree.
An open book.
I told her how unenthused I was with classes this semester.
Organizational Behavior.
Disenchanted since learning motivation can be viewed as a form of manipulation.
It is wrong.
I am doing well in my other class only because of support from a colleague.
I have been falling for some time now.
I needed help resolving issues but my plans fell through.
Poor timing, perhaps.
I have three weeks left.
Liz re-energized me to strive for better.
She never criticized but I want to improve myself.
I always consider relationships in my life;
either you are a 'Younger Brother (rarely I do not mentor)',
'Older Brother', 'Older Sister', 'baby sister',
'Mentor' or an 'Adversary' to me.
Balance ~ Counter-Balance.
Liz is a twin.
Of everyone I know she is truly worthy of me.
An equal.
Comparison.
We are both beautiful, true.
Her intelligence lies in real world;
my ideas are derived from ideals.
She has that element I do not have a word for but can only describe.
She is unavailable
but loyal
I love that about her.
I tap her defenses.
she flatters me with her attention
but I know better than to leave her exposed and vulnerable.
In my presence, we extend real world boudaries.
Her timing is impeccable.
When I am disoriented, you will not see me.
I disconnect.
just go through the motions.
Penance.
It is why I regret the secrets.
I know better than anyone else that the best thing I can do now is nothing.
It is the way.
Zen.
I have been burned many a times
and I put myself in a precarious position to get burned again.
It is crazy.
I know you care.
How could you not?
I am like the stupid little brother that does & say the unspeakable.
but how could you not want to nurture my squeak voice innocence?
I should trust time healing old wounds but my scabs can be a lasting barrier.
It should be no big surprise that I am only approachable sometimes
either a terrible force of will or
when I am such a sloppy mess (I cannot eat, wake up multiple times a night, distracted
Everything is different this time. Is it?
I went to the gym
(always seem to exercise excessively when I get in one of these moods).
and for real I felt a disturbance.
When I have been wronged . . . I don't know. . .
Well, I transverse through the facility and thought: how silly.
It was magical.
She was leaving & just happened to go for a drink of water.
Normally I just go about my business and would have missed her.
Everything is so easy between us.
Repeatedly, I asked if she had to leave.
No rush.
We can share strategy, ideas and rumors.
Her insight confirms time and again that I do not have to slow down.
She is Charlie's age but she understands leverage in
ways that dumbfoundedly escapes him.
Rhythm.
We have a natural pace that I do not share with anyone.
Being in the moment, I cannot afford to be guarded in her presence
~ I light up like a Christmas tree.
An open book.
I told her how unenthused I was with classes this semester.
Organizational Behavior.
Disenchanted since learning motivation can be viewed as a form of manipulation.
It is wrong.
I am doing well in my other class only because of support from a colleague.
I have been falling for some time now.
I needed help resolving issues but my plans fell through.
Poor timing, perhaps.
I have three weeks left.
Liz re-energized me to strive for better.
She never criticized but I want to improve myself.
I always consider relationships in my life;
either you are a 'Younger Brother (rarely I do not mentor)',
'Older Brother', 'Older Sister', 'baby sister',
'Mentor' or an 'Adversary' to me.
Balance ~ Counter-Balance.
Liz is a twin.
Of everyone I know she is truly worthy of me.
An equal.
Comparison.
We are both beautiful, true.
Her intelligence lies in real world;
my ideas are derived from ideals.
She has that element I do not have a word for but can only describe.
She is unavailable
but loyal
I love that about her.
I tap her defenses.
she flatters me with her attention
but I know better than to leave her exposed and vulnerable.
In my presence, we extend real world boudaries.
Her timing is impeccable.
When I am disoriented, you will not see me.
I disconnect.
just go through the motions.
Penance.
It is why I regret the secrets.
I know better than anyone else that the best thing I can do now is nothing.
It is the way.
Zen.
I have been burned many a times
and I put myself in a precarious position to get burned again.
It is crazy.
I know you care.
How could you not?
I am like the stupid little brother that does & say the unspeakable.
but how could you not want to nurture my squeak voice innocence?
I should trust time healing old wounds but my scabs can be a lasting barrier.
It should be no big surprise that I am only approachable sometimes
either a terrible force of will or
when I am such a sloppy mess (I cannot eat, wake up multiple times a night, distracted
Everything is different this time. Is it?
Medusa
> --- Fernando wrote:
> > Herman,
> > Are you in love? Who is Liz?
> > So many things that I did not know about you
> > We have to see each other soon
> > Take care and trust your instincts
> >
> > Fernando
> >
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Herman E
> Sent: Friday, March 26, 2004 8:46 AM
> To: Fernando
> Subject: RE: Don't Give Up on Me, Yet
>
> 'She is spoken for'
> I run into this girl every once in a while at the
> gym.
> She is devoted to her boyfriend
> and I respect that.
>
> The reason for all these stories is because I
> recently ended a friendship.
> with another girl.
>
> Someone at work that I only communicate through
> email.
>
> She is maybe 200 ft. away but I cannot see her.
> Well, I ended it.
> Only I regret doing so.
> It is not that I want her.
> But it is like us; we are friends that also rarely
> meet
> our only source of communication has become emails.
> When shall I have enough of you too. Sigh.
>
> I am trying to rebuild burnt bridges.
>
> But she IS someone from work.
> And I am treading a fine line.
> My instincts tell me to let go.
>
> Sometimes, I hate compassion.
>
> Herman
>
--- Fernando wrote:
> It is better not to do anything at work, but if it
> is only friendship it is
> alright.
> So, you are not going to see me any more? I am heart
> broken .....je,je
> When I will se you? You need a couple of drinks and
> that's all..je,je (I
> know you don't drink, by the way why not?)
> Let me know maybe next Friday after work
>
> Have a nice weekend
> Fernando
>
>
Fernando:
It is a good thing I still need you. Without you, there is no chance for me to get my engineering license. ‘Write my own ticket’.
Because we are still friends, for now . . .
One of the things I hate to talk about in my life is art. I share odds and ends but for the most part I am quite greedy about keeping it secret. But I am in a wicked state. I did not share with you before, I do not do recaps, but you are very lucky that the fallout . . . this (email) was our medium. I am trying to bleed it out of me. I want it so I shall not be able to write in this way again. How appropriate. Either you stop this by telling me ‘No More’, You give into pity or you listen as I methodically snuff out the parts of me you love.
Medusa
Turns out there have been many Medusa renditions that I have been exposed to in my lifetime. Do not remember the first. Most likely it was a version designed to fit the description of the Gorgon of Greek mythology. There have been many beautiful Medusas influences growing up. I had forgotten one until I stumbled upon the Chris Achilleos version this past weekend (my first or second fantasy graphic book). T. DiTerlizzi (he draws children’s books but did a Medusa for kicks) did a Vampi Medusa. When I wrote him, he told me that as the sister of Venus he expected her to also be beautiful. I hope to catch up with him before I shut art out of my life again. I was just telling Mr. D. Diancola, whom I met this weekend that the last time was for a decade. Mr. T. DiTerlizzi is touring the United Kingdom (UK). I better beg someone to accompany me when he returns for a tour in the mid-west (I turned that 30 minute / 50 mile trip to meet Donato into a three hour / quarter tank of gas extravaganza).
Stay focused, he.
I want her to be sad. Imagine being immortal but not being able to look at another person. She is beautiful. I am trying to get some preliminary art work done this weekend. I want to experiment with different poses. To start, I want a piece with her being enraptured by a three dimensional dragon. An Asian dragon. For no other reason except I am commissioning the work. Personal demon. Eventually, I want the dragon to be a life like tattoo onto her canvas body. She is naked, of course. The terrible force that transformed her wants to possess her Heart and Soul; there was a fall out. He enraged. Now he cannot even stand to look at her and He made it so she will never be able to look at another.
I want Eva Mendez.
First because there was a contemporary story titled “Eva Medusa” by Ana Miralles and Antonio Segura. My past. Secondly, there are maybe half a dozen women I think that are extraordinarily beautiful; translation: I would not care if they were a bubble head. Penelope, Phoebe, a few others.
Body: I am thinking Julie Strain. Cause I noticed her way back when, when she was only known by B-Movie buffs. Because Olivia did too. She posed for a number of her works; she modeled for the greats: Royo, Pittarelli and one Sorayama (that I know of). She is famous now ~ Playboy TV. It seems a lot of the up & comers (D. Cleavenger ~ I will be meeting him soon) contracts her to put themselves on the map.
If you do not know: She is six foot tall and surgically augmented which reminds me I have got to get those pictures out to Olivia and get her to autograph my XL sized ‘Smokin’ gym shirt. I should be careful. The things I display on my off-hours but I am on this ‘devil may care’ streak.
stay focused! Stay Focused!!
> --- Fernando wrote:
> > Herman,
> > Are you in love? Who is Liz?
> > So many things that I did not know about you
> > We have to see each other soon
> > Take care and trust your instincts
> >
> > Fernando
> >
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Herman E
> Sent: Friday, March 26, 2004 8:46 AM
> To: Fernando
> Subject: RE: Don't Give Up on Me, Yet
>
> 'She is spoken for'
> I run into this girl every once in a while at the
> gym.
> She is devoted to her boyfriend
> and I respect that.
>
> The reason for all these stories is because I
> recently ended a friendship.
> with another girl.
>
> Someone at work that I only communicate through
> email.
>
> She is maybe 200 ft. away but I cannot see her.
> Well, I ended it.
> Only I regret doing so.
> It is not that I want her.
> But it is like us; we are friends that also rarely
> meet
> our only source of communication has become emails.
> When shall I have enough of you too. Sigh.
>
> I am trying to rebuild burnt bridges.
>
> But she IS someone from work.
> And I am treading a fine line.
> My instincts tell me to let go.
>
> Sometimes, I hate compassion.
>
> Herman
>
--- Fernando wrote:
> It is better not to do anything at work, but if it
> is only friendship it is
> alright.
> So, you are not going to see me any more? I am heart
> broken .....je,je
> When I will se you? You need a couple of drinks and
> that's all..je,je (I
> know you don't drink, by the way why not?)
> Let me know maybe next Friday after work
>
> Have a nice weekend
> Fernando
>
>
Fernando:
It is a good thing I still need you. Without you, there is no chance for me to get my engineering license. ‘Write my own ticket’.
Because we are still friends, for now . . .
One of the things I hate to talk about in my life is art. I share odds and ends but for the most part I am quite greedy about keeping it secret. But I am in a wicked state. I did not share with you before, I do not do recaps, but you are very lucky that the fallout . . . this (email) was our medium. I am trying to bleed it out of me. I want it so I shall not be able to write in this way again. How appropriate. Either you stop this by telling me ‘No More’, You give into pity or you listen as I methodically snuff out the parts of me you love.
Medusa
Turns out there have been many Medusa renditions that I have been exposed to in my lifetime. Do not remember the first. Most likely it was a version designed to fit the description of the Gorgon of Greek mythology. There have been many beautiful Medusas influences growing up. I had forgotten one until I stumbled upon the Chris Achilleos version this past weekend (my first or second fantasy graphic book). T. DiTerlizzi (he draws children’s books but did a Medusa for kicks) did a Vampi Medusa. When I wrote him, he told me that as the sister of Venus he expected her to also be beautiful. I hope to catch up with him before I shut art out of my life again. I was just telling Mr. D. Diancola, whom I met this weekend that the last time was for a decade. Mr. T. DiTerlizzi is touring the United Kingdom (UK). I better beg someone to accompany me when he returns for a tour in the mid-west (I turned that 30 minute / 50 mile trip to meet Donato into a three hour / quarter tank of gas extravaganza).
Stay focused, he.
I want her to be sad. Imagine being immortal but not being able to look at another person. She is beautiful. I am trying to get some preliminary art work done this weekend. I want to experiment with different poses. To start, I want a piece with her being enraptured by a three dimensional dragon. An Asian dragon. For no other reason except I am commissioning the work. Personal demon. Eventually, I want the dragon to be a life like tattoo onto her canvas body. She is naked, of course. The terrible force that transformed her wants to possess her Heart and Soul; there was a fall out. He enraged. Now he cannot even stand to look at her and He made it so she will never be able to look at another.
I want Eva Mendez.
First because there was a contemporary story titled “Eva Medusa” by Ana Miralles and Antonio Segura. My past. Secondly, there are maybe half a dozen women I think that are extraordinarily beautiful; translation: I would not care if they were a bubble head. Penelope, Phoebe, a few others.
Body: I am thinking Julie Strain. Cause I noticed her way back when, when she was only known by B-Movie buffs. Because Olivia did too. She posed for a number of her works; she modeled for the greats: Royo, Pittarelli and one Sorayama (that I know of). She is famous now ~ Playboy TV. It seems a lot of the up & comers (D. Cleavenger ~ I will be meeting him soon) contracts her to put themselves on the map.
If you do not know: She is six foot tall and surgically augmented which reminds me I have got to get those pictures out to Olivia and get her to autograph my XL sized ‘Smokin’ gym shirt. I should be careful. The things I display on my off-hours but I am on this ‘devil may care’ streak.
stay focused! Stay Focused!!
Tuesday, February 17, 2004
Strand
A couple weeks ago I found myself at the Strand bookstore. In tow, I had two books about the celebrated American Impressionist: John Singer Sargent. I am sure there have been opportunities where I have come across his works. Still do not know why I picked up Gioia Diliberto’s: Madame X. It was a fictional account about Sargent’s scandalous portrait of Virginie Avegno Gautreau.
One book was about the women he drew the other was about understanding JS Sargent. Something happened / I got turned around and I found myself wondering why I was trying so hard to like JS Sargent. That is so me. The search for something beautiful, some kind of logical understanding where if unexplained could not, would not be of any aesthetic value to me.
Caught. I hated the infinite reoccurrence, the vicious cycle of deconstructing my natural instinct. The mass opinion integration and unnatural ordering within myself.
On the same note, it was reading / learning about Lord Leighton that turned me onto: balance. I should have noticed! In all forms of art there is the play on balance; it is why Black & White (B&W) intrigues. Proportions. Sizes. There is this whole theory about human physical attractiveness. They found it has everything to do with the angular proportion of face, body et cetera. It reminds me of The Da Vinci code but I am leading you off on a tangent.
Peter and I were arguing about digital art as a viable medium. He believed ideas can be so much more exact. I countered that the flaws make art unique. It forces the creator to imagine in time and space because the canvas is not very forgiving.
Balance ~ it is so simple.
Counterbalance. I was sick last week. Illness so often forces me to slow down and contemplate. I was also pruning relations. The lovely thing about facing morality is that it brings out my best qualities. It is all about counterbalance. Can you understand: pleasure, sin, Heaven without knowledge of betrayal and Hell. The scale is tipping.
Right or Wrong. Good or Bad. I am beginning a dark journey. Falling, I am still a little Under the Weather with the sniffles.
With any luck, I will be able to leave myself vulnerable / broken enough to attract another powerful being that will share herself in reconstructing, reacclimating and preserving my childish innocence / immaturity.
btw, JS Sargent’s study of Mrs. Phillips is intriguing. Her nose is not quite right if you look too closely but from afar it balances. I went back to the Strand but I knew both books would be gone by days end.
A couple weeks ago I found myself at the Strand bookstore. In tow, I had two books about the celebrated American Impressionist: John Singer Sargent. I am sure there have been opportunities where I have come across his works. Still do not know why I picked up Gioia Diliberto’s: Madame X. It was a fictional account about Sargent’s scandalous portrait of Virginie Avegno Gautreau.
One book was about the women he drew the other was about understanding JS Sargent. Something happened / I got turned around and I found myself wondering why I was trying so hard to like JS Sargent. That is so me. The search for something beautiful, some kind of logical understanding where if unexplained could not, would not be of any aesthetic value to me.
Caught. I hated the infinite reoccurrence, the vicious cycle of deconstructing my natural instinct. The mass opinion integration and unnatural ordering within myself.
On the same note, it was reading / learning about Lord Leighton that turned me onto: balance. I should have noticed! In all forms of art there is the play on balance; it is why Black & White (B&W) intrigues. Proportions. Sizes. There is this whole theory about human physical attractiveness. They found it has everything to do with the angular proportion of face, body et cetera. It reminds me of The Da Vinci code but I am leading you off on a tangent.
Peter and I were arguing about digital art as a viable medium. He believed ideas can be so much more exact. I countered that the flaws make art unique. It forces the creator to imagine in time and space because the canvas is not very forgiving.
Balance ~ it is so simple.
Counterbalance. I was sick last week. Illness so often forces me to slow down and contemplate. I was also pruning relations. The lovely thing about facing morality is that it brings out my best qualities. It is all about counterbalance. Can you understand: pleasure, sin, Heaven without knowledge of betrayal and Hell. The scale is tipping.
Right or Wrong. Good or Bad. I am beginning a dark journey. Falling, I am still a little Under the Weather with the sniffles.
With any luck, I will be able to leave myself vulnerable / broken enough to attract another powerful being that will share herself in reconstructing, reacclimating and preserving my childish innocence / immaturity.
btw, JS Sargent’s study of Mrs. Phillips is intriguing. Her nose is not quite right if you look too closely but from afar it balances. I went back to the Strand but I knew both books would be gone by days end.
Friday, January 16, 2004
New Cross to Bear.
I will be returning to Palisades tonight and subsequently to the City the following day. When it is warmer. Current reads include two Neil Gaiman comic books. He authors the real stuff too. The other book I am reading is J. C. Oates Rape: a love story. Been wrestling with why I so frequently visit the darker sides of life. The only thing I can come up with (justification) is that in a way it offsets the Beauty Erotica Art Style & Transcendant (BEAST) parts of my life.
This is my third J. C. Oates novel. I finished Them but Bellefleur sits on a book shelf half way through. I am half way through my current read ( I cannot even say the word) . . . I want to say Joyce Carol Oates is this thin, little almost fragile woman (Princeton, NJ). She is one of the most celebrated writers today. She too is attracted to raw violence.
All my current influences: graduate classes (Organizational Behavior & Statistics), master photographer vision study and comics (Kingdom Comes, Dark Knight, Sandman ~ The eternals and soon: Sin City & Batman: Year One).
Too much information. Too many variables.
I am burning out. I am returning to the City;
it is going to be a short week for me next week
(traveling for work on Tuesday & Wednesday).
The Chinese new year.
Time for me to sort things out and heal at home.
Another convention coming up
and another hundred dollar painting to contempt-plate.
I will be returning to Palisades tonight and subsequently to the City the following day. When it is warmer. Current reads include two Neil Gaiman comic books. He authors the real stuff too. The other book I am reading is J. C. Oates Rape: a love story. Been wrestling with why I so frequently visit the darker sides of life. The only thing I can come up with (justification) is that in a way it offsets the Beauty Erotica Art Style & Transcendant (BEAST) parts of my life.
This is my third J. C. Oates novel. I finished Them but Bellefleur sits on a book shelf half way through. I am half way through my current read ( I cannot even say the word) . . . I want to say Joyce Carol Oates is this thin, little almost fragile woman (Princeton, NJ). She is one of the most celebrated writers today. She too is attracted to raw violence.
All my current influences: graduate classes (Organizational Behavior & Statistics), master photographer vision study and comics (Kingdom Comes, Dark Knight, Sandman ~ The eternals and soon: Sin City & Batman: Year One).
Too much information. Too many variables.
I am burning out. I am returning to the City;
it is going to be a short week for me next week
(traveling for work on Tuesday & Wednesday).
The Chinese new year.
Time for me to sort things out and heal at home.
Another convention coming up
and another hundred dollar painting to contempt-plate.
Thursday, January 15, 2004
True Joy of Life by Bernard Shaw (1856-1920)
"This is the true joy in life, being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one. Being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy. I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the whole community and as I live it is my privilege - my privilege to do for it whatever I can. I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work the more I love. I rejoice in life for its own sake. Life is no brief candle to me; it is a sort of splendid torch which I’ve got a hold of for the moment and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations."
- Man & Superman
"This is the true joy in life, being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one. Being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy. I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the whole community and as I live it is my privilege - my privilege to do for it whatever I can. I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work the more I love. I rejoice in life for its own sake. Life is no brief candle to me; it is a sort of splendid torch which I’ve got a hold of for the moment and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations."
- Man & Superman
