Goodbye

The two things ‘I wanted from you’.

Newark. It is not so silly. Imagine. A very rainy Thursday night. A wrong turn here.
A blown & torn tire there, . . . next thing you know . . . gulp!

Where is the money?
Who is moving in where? Why?
The back roads.
Public transportation.

Not exactly the sort of subject you go asking someone about
- what would you have assumed were my intentions?

Guilty. Subconsciously, I did envision a friendship outside the boundaries / confines (BC) of the Arsenal (& beyond the mall).

Never did I consider the consequences of your Image, Reputation, Ambition (IRA- Individual Retirement Account aka your future).


The other thing was Salsa. It is nearly impossible to find a new Lover these days if you cannot Salsa like a Pro.
I know the basics. Just enough to know, how much more I need to know to impress.

Again, I can only imagine where your imagination would have taken this broached subject.

There is this sweltering need in me for closure.
Reading Asking Words (RAW) learning is artificial.
Unless we are there in the moment . . . I / you could be lying to you / me.

It is much easier at a distance.
Already the things remarked makes me tangible – Bor-Ring.

Be true to yourself (not keeping quiet); when we are not able to push the boundaries – end it.

Promise to never be so serious with you again.

bye

Elizabeth

I saw Liz last night
It was all wrong

I am / was chasing her all over the place
It was accidental but it happened cause
I desired it; I willed it
It is not what I wanted

I was talking to my associates
There will be pockets of time when I simple need to be with beautiful people

I can only completely open up to beautiful people
It is only coincidental that they are all women

I need Liz to be a Muse to me
In a way, it bothers me that she leaves when there are others
I understand that I cannot inure the ire of a ‘jealous lover’
It is magical when she comes looking for me
I know . . .
“It is the wanting of things that make us suffer

In the lack of wanting, there is joy
In the end of hope and desire there is enlightenment”
-Throwing the Elephant by Stanley Bing

Previously . . . Sept. 04, 2003

The End

I saw Liz last night.
Don’t believe in chasing.
But I was so afraid it would be forever till I see her again.

I started telling her about my other lives.

She started school – making good on the promise to herself.
She made a good argument otherwise: logical.

We talked about ‘her guy’; dance lessons in the City.

I do not care if she’s just using me . . .
If only there was a way for her to Tap me – 24/7.
But I am not always accessible, hum?

Now all I want is to take care of myself so,
I can see her again . . . next week, next month, two months from now . . . sigh

This had better pass – I need those jagged edges.