Tuesday, March 30, 2004
Liz found me last night; I do not think we have met since the first snow storm this winter.
I went to the gym
(always seem to exercise excessively when I get in one of these moods).
and for real I felt a disturbance.
When I have been wronged . . . I don't know. . .
Well, I transverse through the facility and thought: how silly.
It was magical.
She was leaving & just happened to go for a drink of water.
Normally I just go about my business and would have missed her.
Everything is so easy between us.
Repeatedly, I asked if she had to leave.
No rush.
We can share strategy, ideas and rumors.
Her insight confirms time and again that I do not have to slow down.
She is Charlie's age but she understands leverage in
ways that dumbfoundedly escapes him.
Rhythm.
We have a natural pace that I do not share with anyone.
Being in the moment, I cannot afford to be guarded in her presence
~ I light up like a Christmas tree.
An open book.
I told her how unenthused I was with classes this semester.
Organizational Behavior.
Disenchanted since learning motivation can be viewed as a form of manipulation.
It is wrong.
I am doing well in my other class only because of support from a colleague.
I have been falling for some time now.
I needed help resolving issues but my plans fell through.
Poor timing, perhaps.
I have three weeks left.
Liz re-energized me to strive for better.
She never criticized but I want to improve myself.
I always consider relationships in my life;
either you are a 'Younger Brother (rarely I do not mentor)',
'Older Brother', 'Older Sister', 'baby sister',
'Mentor' or an 'Adversary' to me.
Balance ~ Counter-Balance.
Liz is a twin.
Of everyone I know she is truly worthy of me.
An equal.
Comparison.
We are both beautiful, true.
Her intelligence lies in real world;
my ideas are derived from ideals.
She has that element I do not have a word for but can only describe.
She is unavailable
but loyal
I love that about her.
I tap her defenses.
she flatters me with her attention
but I know better than to leave her exposed and vulnerable.
In my presence, we extend real world boudaries.
Her timing is impeccable.
When I am disoriented, you will not see me.
I disconnect.
just go through the motions.
Penance.
It is why I regret the secrets.
I know better than anyone else that the best thing I can do now is nothing.
It is the way.
Zen.
I have been burned many a times
and I put myself in a precarious position to get burned again.
It is crazy.
I know you care.
How could you not?
I am like the stupid little brother that does & say the unspeakable.
but how could you not want to nurture my squeak voice innocence?
I should trust time healing old wounds but my scabs can be a lasting barrier.
It should be no big surprise that I am only approachable sometimes
either a terrible force of will or
when I am such a sloppy mess (I cannot eat, wake up multiple times a night, distracted
Everything is different this time. Is it?
I went to the gym
(always seem to exercise excessively when I get in one of these moods).
and for real I felt a disturbance.
When I have been wronged . . . I don't know. . .
Well, I transverse through the facility and thought: how silly.
It was magical.
She was leaving & just happened to go for a drink of water.
Normally I just go about my business and would have missed her.
Everything is so easy between us.
Repeatedly, I asked if she had to leave.
No rush.
We can share strategy, ideas and rumors.
Her insight confirms time and again that I do not have to slow down.
She is Charlie's age but she understands leverage in
ways that dumbfoundedly escapes him.
Rhythm.
We have a natural pace that I do not share with anyone.
Being in the moment, I cannot afford to be guarded in her presence
~ I light up like a Christmas tree.
An open book.
I told her how unenthused I was with classes this semester.
Organizational Behavior.
Disenchanted since learning motivation can be viewed as a form of manipulation.
It is wrong.
I am doing well in my other class only because of support from a colleague.
I have been falling for some time now.
I needed help resolving issues but my plans fell through.
Poor timing, perhaps.
I have three weeks left.
Liz re-energized me to strive for better.
She never criticized but I want to improve myself.
I always consider relationships in my life;
either you are a 'Younger Brother (rarely I do not mentor)',
'Older Brother', 'Older Sister', 'baby sister',
'Mentor' or an 'Adversary' to me.
Balance ~ Counter-Balance.
Liz is a twin.
Of everyone I know she is truly worthy of me.
An equal.
Comparison.
We are both beautiful, true.
Her intelligence lies in real world;
my ideas are derived from ideals.
She has that element I do not have a word for but can only describe.
She is unavailable
but loyal
I love that about her.
I tap her defenses.
she flatters me with her attention
but I know better than to leave her exposed and vulnerable.
In my presence, we extend real world boudaries.
Her timing is impeccable.
When I am disoriented, you will not see me.
I disconnect.
just go through the motions.
Penance.
It is why I regret the secrets.
I know better than anyone else that the best thing I can do now is nothing.
It is the way.
Zen.
I have been burned many a times
and I put myself in a precarious position to get burned again.
It is crazy.
I know you care.
How could you not?
I am like the stupid little brother that does & say the unspeakable.
but how could you not want to nurture my squeak voice innocence?
I should trust time healing old wounds but my scabs can be a lasting barrier.
It should be no big surprise that I am only approachable sometimes
either a terrible force of will or
when I am such a sloppy mess (I cannot eat, wake up multiple times a night, distracted
Everything is different this time. Is it?
Medusa
> --- Fernando wrote:
> > Herman,
> > Are you in love? Who is Liz?
> > So many things that I did not know about you
> > We have to see each other soon
> > Take care and trust your instincts
> >
> > Fernando
> >
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Herman E
> Sent: Friday, March 26, 2004 8:46 AM
> To: Fernando
> Subject: RE: Don't Give Up on Me, Yet
>
> 'She is spoken for'
> I run into this girl every once in a while at the
> gym.
> She is devoted to her boyfriend
> and I respect that.
>
> The reason for all these stories is because I
> recently ended a friendship.
> with another girl.
>
> Someone at work that I only communicate through
> email.
>
> She is maybe 200 ft. away but I cannot see her.
> Well, I ended it.
> Only I regret doing so.
> It is not that I want her.
> But it is like us; we are friends that also rarely
> meet
> our only source of communication has become emails.
> When shall I have enough of you too. Sigh.
>
> I am trying to rebuild burnt bridges.
>
> But she IS someone from work.
> And I am treading a fine line.
> My instincts tell me to let go.
>
> Sometimes, I hate compassion.
>
> Herman
>
--- Fernando wrote:
> It is better not to do anything at work, but if it
> is only friendship it is
> alright.
> So, you are not going to see me any more? I am heart
> broken .....je,je
> When I will se you? You need a couple of drinks and
> that's all..je,je (I
> know you don't drink, by the way why not?)
> Let me know maybe next Friday after work
>
> Have a nice weekend
> Fernando
>
>
Fernando:
It is a good thing I still need you. Without you, there is no chance for me to get my engineering license. ‘Write my own ticket’.
Because we are still friends, for now . . .
One of the things I hate to talk about in my life is art. I share odds and ends but for the most part I am quite greedy about keeping it secret. But I am in a wicked state. I did not share with you before, I do not do recaps, but you are very lucky that the fallout . . . this (email) was our medium. I am trying to bleed it out of me. I want it so I shall not be able to write in this way again. How appropriate. Either you stop this by telling me ‘No More’, You give into pity or you listen as I methodically snuff out the parts of me you love.
Medusa
Turns out there have been many Medusa renditions that I have been exposed to in my lifetime. Do not remember the first. Most likely it was a version designed to fit the description of the Gorgon of Greek mythology. There have been many beautiful Medusas influences growing up. I had forgotten one until I stumbled upon the Chris Achilleos version this past weekend (my first or second fantasy graphic book). T. DiTerlizzi (he draws children’s books but did a Medusa for kicks) did a Vampi Medusa. When I wrote him, he told me that as the sister of Venus he expected her to also be beautiful. I hope to catch up with him before I shut art out of my life again. I was just telling Mr. D. Diancola, whom I met this weekend that the last time was for a decade. Mr. T. DiTerlizzi is touring the United Kingdom (UK). I better beg someone to accompany me when he returns for a tour in the mid-west (I turned that 30 minute / 50 mile trip to meet Donato into a three hour / quarter tank of gas extravaganza).
Stay focused, he.
I want her to be sad. Imagine being immortal but not being able to look at another person. She is beautiful. I am trying to get some preliminary art work done this weekend. I want to experiment with different poses. To start, I want a piece with her being enraptured by a three dimensional dragon. An Asian dragon. For no other reason except I am commissioning the work. Personal demon. Eventually, I want the dragon to be a life like tattoo onto her canvas body. She is naked, of course. The terrible force that transformed her wants to possess her Heart and Soul; there was a fall out. He enraged. Now he cannot even stand to look at her and He made it so she will never be able to look at another.
I want Eva Mendez.
First because there was a contemporary story titled “Eva Medusa” by Ana Miralles and Antonio Segura. My past. Secondly, there are maybe half a dozen women I think that are extraordinarily beautiful; translation: I would not care if they were a bubble head. Penelope, Phoebe, a few others.
Body: I am thinking Julie Strain. Cause I noticed her way back when, when she was only known by B-Movie buffs. Because Olivia did too. She posed for a number of her works; she modeled for the greats: Royo, Pittarelli and one Sorayama (that I know of). She is famous now ~ Playboy TV. It seems a lot of the up & comers (D. Cleavenger ~ I will be meeting him soon) contracts her to put themselves on the map.
If you do not know: She is six foot tall and surgically augmented which reminds me I have got to get those pictures out to Olivia and get her to autograph my XL sized ‘Smokin’ gym shirt. I should be careful. The things I display on my off-hours but I am on this ‘devil may care’ streak.
stay focused! Stay Focused!!
> --- Fernando wrote:
> > Herman,
> > Are you in love? Who is Liz?
> > So many things that I did not know about you
> > We have to see each other soon
> > Take care and trust your instincts
> >
> > Fernando
> >
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Herman E
> Sent: Friday, March 26, 2004 8:46 AM
> To: Fernando
> Subject: RE: Don't Give Up on Me, Yet
>
> 'She is spoken for'
> I run into this girl every once in a while at the
> gym.
> She is devoted to her boyfriend
> and I respect that.
>
> The reason for all these stories is because I
> recently ended a friendship.
> with another girl.
>
> Someone at work that I only communicate through
> email.
>
> She is maybe 200 ft. away but I cannot see her.
> Well, I ended it.
> Only I regret doing so.
> It is not that I want her.
> But it is like us; we are friends that also rarely
> meet
> our only source of communication has become emails.
> When shall I have enough of you too. Sigh.
>
> I am trying to rebuild burnt bridges.
>
> But she IS someone from work.
> And I am treading a fine line.
> My instincts tell me to let go.
>
> Sometimes, I hate compassion.
>
> Herman
>
--- Fernando wrote:
> It is better not to do anything at work, but if it
> is only friendship it is
> alright.
> So, you are not going to see me any more? I am heart
> broken .....je,je
> When I will se you? You need a couple of drinks and
> that's all..je,je (I
> know you don't drink, by the way why not?)
> Let me know maybe next Friday after work
>
> Have a nice weekend
> Fernando
>
>
Fernando:
It is a good thing I still need you. Without you, there is no chance for me to get my engineering license. ‘Write my own ticket’.
Because we are still friends, for now . . .
One of the things I hate to talk about in my life is art. I share odds and ends but for the most part I am quite greedy about keeping it secret. But I am in a wicked state. I did not share with you before, I do not do recaps, but you are very lucky that the fallout . . . this (email) was our medium. I am trying to bleed it out of me. I want it so I shall not be able to write in this way again. How appropriate. Either you stop this by telling me ‘No More’, You give into pity or you listen as I methodically snuff out the parts of me you love.
Medusa
Turns out there have been many Medusa renditions that I have been exposed to in my lifetime. Do not remember the first. Most likely it was a version designed to fit the description of the Gorgon of Greek mythology. There have been many beautiful Medusas influences growing up. I had forgotten one until I stumbled upon the Chris Achilleos version this past weekend (my first or second fantasy graphic book). T. DiTerlizzi (he draws children’s books but did a Medusa for kicks) did a Vampi Medusa. When I wrote him, he told me that as the sister of Venus he expected her to also be beautiful. I hope to catch up with him before I shut art out of my life again. I was just telling Mr. D. Diancola, whom I met this weekend that the last time was for a decade. Mr. T. DiTerlizzi is touring the United Kingdom (UK). I better beg someone to accompany me when he returns for a tour in the mid-west (I turned that 30 minute / 50 mile trip to meet Donato into a three hour / quarter tank of gas extravaganza).
Stay focused, he.
I want her to be sad. Imagine being immortal but not being able to look at another person. She is beautiful. I am trying to get some preliminary art work done this weekend. I want to experiment with different poses. To start, I want a piece with her being enraptured by a three dimensional dragon. An Asian dragon. For no other reason except I am commissioning the work. Personal demon. Eventually, I want the dragon to be a life like tattoo onto her canvas body. She is naked, of course. The terrible force that transformed her wants to possess her Heart and Soul; there was a fall out. He enraged. Now he cannot even stand to look at her and He made it so she will never be able to look at another.
I want Eva Mendez.
First because there was a contemporary story titled “Eva Medusa” by Ana Miralles and Antonio Segura. My past. Secondly, there are maybe half a dozen women I think that are extraordinarily beautiful; translation: I would not care if they were a bubble head. Penelope, Phoebe, a few others.
Body: I am thinking Julie Strain. Cause I noticed her way back when, when she was only known by B-Movie buffs. Because Olivia did too. She posed for a number of her works; she modeled for the greats: Royo, Pittarelli and one Sorayama (that I know of). She is famous now ~ Playboy TV. It seems a lot of the up & comers (D. Cleavenger ~ I will be meeting him soon) contracts her to put themselves on the map.
If you do not know: She is six foot tall and surgically augmented which reminds me I have got to get those pictures out to Olivia and get her to autograph my XL sized ‘Smokin’ gym shirt. I should be careful. The things I display on my off-hours but I am on this ‘devil may care’ streak.
stay focused! Stay Focused!!
